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Flipping the pages

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The train trundles
My mind rumbles
Memories flip
Like pictures
On the corners
Of pages

And the faster
I go
The more animated

And with every memory
My smile widens
Heart elated
With whirlwind
Of feels

That heal
Peel these layers
Of heavy weight
Long sat
On my soul

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Beauty or the Beast?

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Both the beauty and the beast
But not the best
Or the worst
Of the sum
Of the least

Just a girl
Who sometimes fails
To be

Who you expect me to be
And certainly
Not the one
I want to see

Staring back at me
Through this projection
In this broken reflection

Both the beauty and the beast
But not the best
Or the worst
Of the sum
Of the least

Sometimes the lady
Who can do no wrong
Every good deed in check

so long overdue
in the celebration
of a million kind deeds
seeds planted
in a world in dire need

where every action
is wiped clean
by the last impression

and perception bleeds
into the fabric of life
shatters the foundations

until those seeds
are left in doubt
and bonds are broken
little insinuations
left unspoken

Both the beauty and the beast
But not the best
Or the worst
Of the sum
Of the least

Yet hope
Inside this mind
That truth
With set me free
And every line
In every poem

And every action
Now split
Into these factions

And every reaction
Over emotional
Roller coaster ride
I couldn’t hide

Inside these transparent eyes
or tearstained tracks
black from lack
of sleep
steeped

from inner voices
and doubt filled choices
where faith faded
and light couldn’t get in

Both the beauty and the beast
But not the best
Or the worst
Of the sum
Of the least

Yet here I am
Still standing
Still loving
Still wishing and hoping
And dreaming
With reams and reams
Of life left

And smiles
Always smiles
To go the miles
For those I love

Because despite it all
My heart heeds the call
It beats – beats – beats
Without defeat
Of imperfections
Introspections
And with acceptance

That I am.

Both the beauty and the beast
But not the best
Or the worst
Of the sum
Of the least

Birthday gift

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There aren’t enough
Ribbons
Or bows

To wrap
This love I have
For you

That just grows
And grows
And grows

As you blow
Out your candles
To mark
Another year
Around the sun

I want to give
You so much more
Then what
Fits in a box

Just so much laughter
And fun
Until cheeks
Stretch
And we roll into a pile
Of upturned faces

Days and weeks
Of sun
Full of green spaces
Hand in hand

Races
To waters edges
Pledges
And pinky promises

Where for moments
The hourglass
And the sand stand still

And we take our fill
Of happiness
And kisses

And silly wishes
Just grand enough
To come true

And more trips
around the sun
Together
For me and you

Insecurities

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Inside this chaotic mind
thoughts push
And pull

Bully one another
For the opportunity
To press rewind

Before they line up
One by one
Row by row

To repeat
Every unkind
Untrue
Out of the blue

Come unglued
Cruel commentary
Of self doubted thought

Self taught
For naught
Word, by word, by slicing word

That strips the confidence
From these bones
In condescending tones

Until the only thing left
Is this child
Inside this woman’s mind

Thinking
She’s obviously
Out of her league
And what were
they possibly thinking

When they thought she
Was worthy
Of such lofty pursuit

And now they’ll surely find
That she’s a fraud here blinking
In her empty head
So little to be said

Moments of Sunshine

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Little pockets of space
Linger
To try and erase

Tensions race
Fears
Warm embrace

And I sit here
Raising my tired face
To the sun

Praying
Not to come
Undone

Never satisfied

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They line up
For their turn
Arms crossed
At the wait times

Fingers wagging
At everything
I’ve surely missed

Subtly nagging
Without
saying the words

All the while
The motivation
Lagging
To find solutions

Yet wanting
Resolutions
Readily
Available

But inevitably
not liking
My answers

Little reminders of faith

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Words are churning
Acid burning
Holes in my gut

Tears down my cheeks
As I sit and fight
This voice inside my head

Tells me it’s just not enough
And as I do what I do
To ease the pain

Surf through social media
To escape this world
Endlessly scrolling
Mindlessly trolling

I see your smiling face
And remember the day
I looked through the lens
And took that shot

And the knots
start to unwind
Just a little bit
And these unkind
Inward thoughts

Turn from roar
To whisper

Where I still know
I can’t do it all
but must have faith
That somehow

It’s gonna to be okay
And there smiling back at me
Your smiling eyes

And the love I see there
I know somehow
It doesn’t lie

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