Out of my league

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Outside smiles
And Miles and miles
Until the day is done

Between the lessons and fun
Before the sun unravels
And becomes undone

All the while my insides
Are twisting and turning
And hurting
And knowing
Somethings just not right

Hiding the pain
That’s always there
Beneath these sighs
Brushing away the water
That seeps unbidden
From these eyes

As I kiss my babies
And hold them close
Hope they don’t look closely
And ask the why’s

Because I’m afraid
I wouldn’t have an answer
To soothe their minds

Or mine either
As my body wages a war
That I have no idea
If I can win
Or for what sin
I’m paying for now


Music of you

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I hear your voice
Echo through our home
Your fingers glide over ivory

And I close my eyes
As the water slips
Past these lids

At the sheer beauty
Of the melodies that wash over me
Through me

And take away
Any sadness I may have been feeling
And any doubt

Placed any dreariness at bay
That you hold such power

To raise me up to remember
The Grace of God
And the gift of you

Good reminders

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I’m sitting on the train
Trying to keep
These tired eyes open
Lack of sleep
Piling onto me
Like a fifty pound weight

When through my headphones
Our song softly
Comes through
And suddenly
Behind closed lids
There I am with you

Gone are weeks
Of stacking and packing
Stress lurking in every corner

Just you and me
Body to body
Swaying to the music
Obeying what’s in our hearts

And I remember
Once again
All the reasons why

Last night without you

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Wind whips at the tent
Where sleeping row
Of sticky faces
Fill so many spaces
In this heart

But I lay here awake
Counting the hours
Until we’re no longer apart

And that thought
Makes my heart
Skip so many beats
And the intrepid heat
Inside this tent
Is like the most luxurious
Of retreats

Let’s build sandcastles

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Just after the crow of the cock
In the distance water laps at the dock
In the trees birds sing
Bring the sunlight into view

But somehow the splendour
Before me
Becomes muted
When it isn’t shared with you

As the train takes you
To the daily grind
Oddly wishing I was there too
If it only meant
I was next to you

Or you were here to see
This lake before the chaos
Of splashing kids
Sticky faces and sunny smiles

So I send my heart
The commuted miles
To sit next to you on that train
And rain kisses
On that beautiful face

Even though nothing could replace
Me sitting next to you
Hand in hand
Whether it be going to work
By a lake
Or somewhere in between

In this hourglass
With every drop of sand
Let’s build sandcastles
Together, hand in hand

Flipping the pages

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The train trundles
My mind rumbles
Memories flip
Like pictures
On the corners
Of pages

And the faster
I go
The more animated

And with every memory
My smile widens
Heart elated
With whirlwind
Of feels

That heal
Peel these layers
Of heavy weight
Long sat
On my soul

Beauty or the Beast?

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Both the beauty and the beast
But not the best
Or the worst
Of the sum
Of the least

Just a girl
Who sometimes fails
To be

Who you expect me to be
And certainly
Not the one
I want to see

Staring back at me
Through this projection
In this broken reflection

Both the beauty and the beast
But not the best
Or the worst
Of the sum
Of the least

Sometimes the lady
Who can do no wrong
Every good deed in check

so long overdue
in the celebration
of a million kind deeds
seeds planted
in a world in dire need

where every action
is wiped clean
by the last impression

and perception bleeds
into the fabric of life
shatters the foundations

until those seeds
are left in doubt
and bonds are broken
little insinuations
left unspoken

Both the beauty and the beast
But not the best
Or the worst
Of the sum
Of the least

Yet hope
Inside this mind
That truth
With set me free
And every line
In every poem

And every action
Now split
Into these factions

And every reaction
Over emotional
Roller coaster ride
I couldn’t hide

Inside these transparent eyes
or tearstained tracks
black from lack
of sleep

from inner voices
and doubt filled choices
where faith faded
and light couldn’t get in

Both the beauty and the beast
But not the best
Or the worst
Of the sum
Of the least

Yet here I am
Still standing
Still loving
Still wishing and hoping
And dreaming
With reams and reams
Of life left

And smiles
Always smiles
To go the miles
For those I love

Because despite it all
My heart heeds the call
It beats – beats – beats
Without defeat
Of imperfections
And with acceptance

That I am.

Both the beauty and the beast
But not the best
Or the worst
Of the sum
Of the least

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